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Why are New Muslims Leaving Islam?

“I don’t know if you can help me; I don’t even know where to start. My life is a mess. I’ve been a Muslim for 5 years and each Ramadan instead of increasing in my emaan, I question whether I can continue living as a Muslim. The loneliness I have felt over the last 5 years is one I never felt before I became Muslim. I feel it even more in Ramadan. I receive so many emails about how to complete the Qu’ran in 30 days, how to attain taqwa but I just struggle trying to get through the days.

When I took my shahadah, so many sisters hugged me and gave me their phone numbers but after a few weeks, they didn’t respond to my calls or my messages. I’m so alone, it really hurts. They told me they would help me learn how to pray. I still don’t know how to pray. I’ve tried youtube and books but they don’t work.  I’m really struggling. I phoned my local masjid and they laughed at me after I told them how long I was Muslim and couldn’t pray. I’m so down and alone. I wish I could be like most and look forward to Ramadan. I wish I could read the Koran. I wish I could pray taraweeh. I wish I didn’t feel so alone. I have tried; I went to the masjid to break my fast. But nobody spoke to me. They offered me food and drink but then after praying they just ate in their little circles smiling and laughing. You’re my last attempt – can you help me? I’m desperate.”  Mandy

Sadly, the SOLACE team receive many emails like that of Mandy’s. There’s a sound proportion of revert sisters who receive support and they really work diligently with their SOLACE support workers to make positive change in their lives.  In contrast however, there are sisters like Mandy who disappear despite our willingness to support them. It is as though they are scared to receive support only to be let down for the umpteenth time. As a team, we can only pray and make du’aa that they will meet beautiful sincere Muslims who will help them as they should have been helped during those first few fragile weeks of being a very new Muslim.

The picture for most new reverts is indeed a very positive one. One needs only to attend a shahaadah ceremony and observe the mixture of excitement and nervousness sprawled across the face of the one taking that amazing step; crossing from the fields of kufr into the vastness of tawheed. It is such a joyous moment – both for the new Muslim and for those who are present, witnessing the guidance of Allah unfold in an individual’s life. Most faces are streaming with tears  as their hearts increase in faith in the One and Only Creator, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala).

It is equally overwhelming for the new believer as she is swamped with hugs, kisses, books, hijabs and telephone numbers. There is a sense of a new immediate family, and the fear of what their own non-Muslim family will say and do is subdued by the hope that their new Muslim family will be there no matter what.

Quite tragically, the situation can at times be very different just as Mandy described in her email. More than likely, brothers and sisters that attend a shahaadah ceremony really do have a good intention to keep in touch. Certainly excuses must be made; perhaps they imagined that the new believer has a solid support network, after all, there were so many telephone numbers handed over that day.  Others may be busy in their own lives and feel pressurised with the responsibility of helping a new Muslim. Passing on a few books and CDs is sufficient but what if they needed somewhere to stay?

The sad reality is that too many brothers and sisters leave the responsibility to others assuming that there is enough support when in fact, the new Muslim has absolutely no one to support her. It is at this delicate time that she definitely needs support as the onset of tests pervade her life. It is as though upon uttering the testimony of faith, the new believer is tested to see whether they truly believe as Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) says:

‘…We might test him who believes in the Hereafter from him who is in doubt concerning it: and the Lord watches over all things.’[1]                                                                                                                                          

Had the new Muslim been supported, been shown how to pray, been taught the foundations of Islam and given a firm foundation, been put in touch with a good group of brothers or sisters that took them under their wings and looked after them; they would have had the tools and strength of faith to deal with the tests that face most new Muslims.

Unfortunately, due to a lack of the above at the crucial beginning of their Muslim life, the following types of issues arise which sadly often lead to someone like Mandy entering Islam with zeal and belief and leaving it weeks, months or years later with hatred and disbelief…

Rejection by family

A large number of new Muslims experience negative reactions from their non-Muslim relatives.  The experiences vary from being ignored, physically removed from the family home, and we have even received cases of others who were locked up and beaten by relatives. It is at this time that support from Muslims is crucially needed. However, many new Muslims endure these tests with their family with minimal support or understanding from members of the Muslim community. Often, the rejection and abuse received at the hands of family members is too much for some and they succumb to the pressure of leaving Islam feeling that they have no other alternative because all the brothers and sisters disappeared and hence there is no other alternative.

Choosing a wrong spouse

Many brothers and sisters feel that there is a simple quick fix for the new Muslim who has been abandoned by their own relatives: To get married and get married quickly! This is the case more so with female reverts than their male counterparts. The sister is struggling to learn Surah Al Fatihah and before she knows it, she is flooded with recommendations of pious brothers who are looking to get married, brothers who could help her on her path. She is given a good breakdown of what characteristics constitute a good Muslim husband; one who wears trousers above his ankles and observes a beard. Well-meaning sisters persuade the new Muslim to marry their own recommendation with choruses of ‘Trust me, my husband has known him for years – he’s a good practising brother!’ Regrettably, there is no mention of his character, likes and dislikes and the likelihood of compatibility. Two or three meetings are conducted by a wali (guardian) appointed at the last minute. The nikaah takes place in a small room within the masjid.  Non-Muslim relatives who have not abandoned their daughters, look on in dismay as their dreams of their daughter’s wedding is shattered. Or the new Muslim takes the next most important step in her life without the knowledge of her non-Muslim relatives.

Months down the line, still struggling to learn how to pray, she is either divorced or living a very miserable married life. Years down the line, we find that she has remarried four to five times in the same manner as more brothers and sisters pity her and persuade her into thinking that marriage will solve her problems. Children are born into this situation and live with a mother who is severely depressed with only one visible sign of Islam – her hijab.  It is only a matter of time before the last sign of Islam is removed and she seeks peace and tranquillity in her old lifestyle or religion.

This example may seem extreme to many but shockingly this is the reality for many new Muslims.

Moving towards an extreme version of Islam

Zeal and passion for Islam is evident in many new Muslims. Like sponges, they are eager to learn, absorb and implement. There seems to be a misconstrued silent rule that upon entering Islam, a complete rejection of everything that came before is required. With an ‘all or nothing’ mentality, she severs family ties as she cannot live her life surrounded by ‘kaafirs’.  Clothes are put into bin bags and phone numbers are changed. Within a few days, the new believer changes from wearing jeans to completely covering from head to toe in black. The new Muslim believes she is moving in the correct direction as she receives impressed compliments from other sisters. Shortly down the line, those initial strict immediate changes begin to show its cracks as she wonders why she feels no connection, deep faith or tranquility in her salaah. She wonders why her heart feels dead and why she now craves to go back to the life that she once led.

Confused, depressed and with only a speck of emaan left in her heart, she wonders what to do. She cannot return to her family whom she cut ties with. In addition to the strained relationships she has with other sisters and the sisterhood, the  marriage she is in which is full of constant arguments and depression – with all this, she makes an all or nothing choice again and leaves Islam altogether.

There are so many other issues that could be highlighted within this article. But the purpose of this article is not to depress the readers but to portray the other side of the New Muslim’s life which often goes unheard.

Ramadhan is a time where many reverts feel very alone. We know that the purpose of Ramadhan is not to socialise but rather it is to attain taqwa of Allah. However, we must try to view Ramadhan from the perspective of a new believer. Coming from a very non-Muslim sociable lifestyle, there are very few chances to really socialise. Ramadhan is seen by many reverts as a time to be with others, to share, eat and grow together. When this is not present, stark truths are deeply felt and the new Muslim begins to realise them; the family they lost upon entering Islam, their lack of Muslim friends and as a result, the huge social void in their lives begins to emerge.

Fasting those first few times without much needed encouragement to make it until iftar is a huge mountain to climb and so many new Muslims give up and break their fasts intentionally. This results in them living the rest of Ramadhan truly believing that they will never be forgiven, that Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) hates them and that they are destined for the hellfire.

Observing large extended families coming together, enjoying iftar, attending taraweeh prayer together and preparing for the equivalent of Christmas, Eid Al Fitr, is quite a depressing time as they realise yet again that they are all alone.

Eid is the most dreaded time of the year. Since they are no longer attending family functions such as weddings, birthday parties, and religious festivities, they hope that Eid would be a joyous occasion to share with others. However, some deliberately choose not to leave their homes on Eid, unable to witness everyone else’s happiness at the Eid salaah knowing that they will be returning home alone. 

How can brothers and sisters make a difference this Ramadhan and Eid? More importantly, how can brothers and sisters support reverts throughout the whole year so that the rate of apostasy is widely reduced? Here are some tips that we hope every reader will try to implement with at least one revert whom they know:
  • Invite a revert around for iftar. Call them and ask after them. Do not assume that they are fine or even fasting. It doesn’t matter how long they have been Muslim. Really show that you care about them.
  • Give a gift to a revert this Eid. It will build the love between you both and can have a lasting effect in their perception of Muslims at a time when they might be going through a difficult time.
  • Share a part of your Eid day with a revert; even if it is just for one hour. Really go out of your way to make it a special time for them.
  • Besides Ramadhan and Eid, one of the most important ways you can help a revert is to help them build a very solid foundation in their deen. Bring them closer to Allah and help them develop a strong relationship with their Creator. This step is probably the most crucial as it marks the difference in how they deal with the various tests that will come their way.
  • Do not look at a revert in terms of how long they have been Muslim. Remember that they spent twenty, thirty or even forty years with certain thoughts, and practices that were completely alien to Islam. The psychological transition into a completely different way of life can take years.
  • Dedicate yourself to really helping at least one revert Muslim for life – help them learn how to pray, share good and difficult times together, attend lectures together – seek knowledge together. Commit yourself to helping them for life.

Update:


MESSAGE FROM UMM RAIYAAN (copied from comments section below)
ssalamuu alaykum,

As a SOLACE team we are grateful to Allah (Swt) first and foremost for the opportunity to create awareness about the difficulties reverts face. islam21c.com has been an amazing platform to further this type of awareness and we would also like to thank islam21.com for offering us the chance to contribute towards their articles.There are several organisations that support very new Muslims and try to help them during the crucial initial weeks and months. However, there is a huge number of reverts, some of whom who have been Muslim for 10+ years, who no longer seem to be labelled as a new Muslim who need just as much if not more support. For SOLACE, it is those who do not fall into the wonderful hands of organisations such as iERA and others that we tend to support.Sadly, to date we have received 80+ requests of help this year alone.If you would like to support SOLACE – you can do so through the following methods:

1. By forwarding this article as much as possible.
2. By joining our mailing list at www.solaceuk.org and forwarding campaign alerts, testimonials etc in a bid to also increase awareness.
3. Volunteer your time to work with SOLACE
4. Donate – we are solely funded by the kind donations by brothers and sisters.
5. We are definitely looking to expand nationwide and internationally due to a large number of outside London cases.As we are a grassroots organisation, we are constantly working at the ‘front line’ directly with service users and so our work really does never stop.

JazakhaAllahu khairan for your help,
On behalf of all of the SOLACE team,
Wasalamu alaykum
Umm Raiyaan
Director of SOLACE

 

 


Sources: www.islam21c.com

Notes: Visit www.solaceuk.org and donate generously to their cause.. SOLACE is an organisation that was set up to support female revert sisters in difficulty. Our mission is to aim to ensure that no revert sister goes through difficulties in her life unsupported, by providing the holistic support she needs to move forward and by enabling her to strengthen and maintain her faith and closeness to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. Please support us in what we do in trying to support them and show them the beauty and perfection of Islam once again. 

Islam21c requests all the readers of this article, and others, to share it on your facebooktwitter, and other platforms to further spread our efforts.

[1] quran 34:21

About Umm Raiyaan

127 comments

  1. Loneliness – Ramadhan Rel
    Loneliness in Ramadhan – is a very difficult thing – to be all alone when to look at it InshaAllah it is very much a familial bonding and jointly practising Islam.. My prayers are for the reverts who are lonely during this time – to ease the loneliness and the difficulty – and bestow the best of both world…

    A similar write up and a emotional connect is there in the article here – http://islamnewsroom.com/news-we-need/1666

  2. Reverts Sisters – Latch on to Husbands – Greene – Social Issues..
    Assalamualikum – happened to come to the article from a friends facebook wall.. really enlightening it is… would like to add that this article has initiated a good discussion in dawah circles here and they are planning to have a meeting concerning the issues mentioned here..

    I am a Doctor by profession alhamdulilah and can relate to the psychological issue mentioned out in the article and very importantly – the need to look into the social dimension of a revert or for that matter a muslim starting to practice..

    I am very much anguished by the comment Greene had made before with regards to revert sisters latching on to husband.. I think that is too rude to say.. that is common to all women who are single – and there is a emotional aspect to it – which is free from being a revert sister or not – it is humane in nature to be specific. I being a Muslim Husband and a father of three small kids feel Muslim men are far more responsible and that is the reason they are liked in comparison to non faithful men in comparison…

    Yes it might be wrong but to blame on reverts sister is far stressed and outrageous.

    Alhamdulilah we are living in a stage of revival of Islam and by it we need also to revive the tradition of the sahabah ie Ansar on what all they did for the Muhajiroon..(ra).. They shared their lives alhamdulilah.. are we not ready to share and earn in the hereafter..??

  3. islam not based on race
    Salam, i am from Malaysia. I studied in the Uk for 8 years and am quite familiar with the phsycology of the Muslims there especially those from the Indian-subcontinent ( majority group). Too often they associated being Muslims mean to dress and adopt like Pakistani culture etc whereas Islam is a universal deen which transcends race or culture. I hope my brothers and sisters in UK receive the reverts with open arm and give them support accordingly. Only then we can build a strong Ummmah.

  4. Why are New Muslims Leaving Islam?
    Salaam my dear brothers and sisters,
    I have been a muslim for almost 10yrs now and I had a bad time when coming to the deen. So many times I cried, but I knew I didn’t want to go back to my old life because that was a life of drinking, clubbing and drugging. I was a lost soul, I never love myself or my family. When entering into the deen I had no one but myself, I went to circles, got shut out everyone is in the groups, the feeling was horrible. I remember one time I went to see a emamm at a talk he requested I go to in order to speak to him. When I got there he push me over to someone eles, I thought that was because of the colour of my skin. Alhamdulliah the person who I spoke to can’t remember his name but he is on peace tv he gave me some good advice that I was happy with. That was the day I almost left the deen. I pushed and pused in the deen on my own by the will of Allah, still no I have no one apart from my husband and Allah. Im very close to my family now all thanks to Islam. My advice to new sisters coming into the deen is to stand firm hold on to the blessing that has been bestowed on u, yes it get lonely, u need to get yourself strong learn the Sunnah, because the more u go here there and everywhere it can get confusing, and u will see things that u won’t like. What you no and think is islam is not always the case. Once you strong and ready to face your fellow sisters ur able to deal with things that will upset u. What we need to do is pray hard and strive hard, it’s not easy but Allah alway makes away.

  5. Assalaamu ‘alaykum. I live in Woking, Shah Jahan Mosque. If there are brothers and sisters who are new to Islam or ‘not so new anymore’ please feel free to get in touch. We have a few sisters that attend our class, in english, but I think it is about breaking the barrier between people from sub continent and British born people. I emailed this article to all my students and people in my contact list and received many positive replies from sisters willing to engage more with those new to islam and insha’Allah plan to do something actively after eid. So if you live in or around Woking, Surrey…please get in touch. Jazak’Allahu khayr..wasalaam

  6. Mashallah
    I feel her pain. All I can say is stay strong sister Allah found yo for a reason. I can totally relate born Muslims sometimes think they ate the ed all be all & cannot forgive or listen to a revert. We have a long way to go brothers & sisters

  7. Sticking points!
    Assalamu alaikum.

    JazakAllah khairan brother Abdulwahid, thank you so much! You’ve raised really powerful points mashaAllah.

    The first time I’ve heard an analysis quite similar to this one was at the “Seed of Change” event organised by iera sisters where a sister made really good points and opened the eyes of many of us and specially new Muslims as we could all relate to what she said.

    What a new Muslim needs beyond anything is building a strong connection with Allah, solid foundation of Islam, a good company and empowerment. These key elements will not prevent us from being tested but it will help us staying strong enough to overcome the tests we are facing, with Allah’s help and support.

    The sister at the conference mentioned a course or training that they are organizing for the community, so I pray it will make a difference and change the life of many of us inshaAllah.

    Wassalamu alaikum

  8. keep islam.
    As salaamu Alaikum.

    All praise belongs to Allah the Lord of all that exists.

    In my view, you can be a lot more supportive of a person if you give them the means to fish rather than be there to give a fish each day. So, with the goal being to create independence from others and total dependence upon Allaah Swt you can teach them about Islam the basics that every muslims should know. But here is where many fail, they dont know what Islam is themselves how can they teach others let alone support others. Sometimes, the reverts themselves know far more about Islam than a person who has grey hair in Islam. Lets get the basics first establish ourselves then attempt to establish others and this is where very few of us are able to do because Islam requires knowledge and this does not come except by the Mercy of Allaah.

    As for the reverts or any other person leaving islam, this is because they dont know what Islam is for them to leave Islam. Allaah tells us in Al baqarah about Messengers Ibrahim and Ismaaiil. They prayed to Allaah to make them muslims and also their kids. If a messenger from God is praying to His creator to establish him and enable him to be a Muslim this highlights the importance and that its a gift from Allaah and no human can establish you in Islam. Only Allaah can so they prayed to Allaah alone for this because of their knowledge. Whereas we seek to establish our islam by the means of people, that has to be redirected to Allaah, the owner of grace and bounty. Also, we see in the same context in that surah Ibrahim did advice his children some of whom were prophets to hold on to Islam and that they should not die except that they are Muslimeen. And Also Messenger Yacqub Peace be upon Him asking His children who are they going to worship after his death? In other words, this holding to Islam is the farewell advice to their kids meaning the best of what they left them in terms of advice and recommendation. Sometimes, advice is the best form of giving to others especially when you are not going to be there for them all the time. So, if anyone islam its because he is ignorant about what Islam is. Islam is not about hugs or family or friends this is a belief and conviction to which you hold on to until you die regardless of what comes your way. You dont come to Islam for the people and you dont leave it for the people. Another example of messengers of God praying and begging Allah to make them firm in Islam is Yusuf Peace be upon Him when He said to Allaah in the end of the prayer cause me to die as a muslim and join me with the Pious.(salihin) And the cause of Muhammad the last of the messengers of God who in the hadith begged Allaah to make His heart firm upon the religion of Allaah swt. so, dont look for the muslims to establish anyone they cannot even establish themselves upon this religion of truth, except by the mercy of Allaah. And when a person is begging His creator for something of course, there is an implied part that you do your part too and you dont just wish. Allaah swt said in Surah Al ankabut chapter 29 the last verse. And those who strive in our way We will surely guide them to Our ways. That way is Islam, and it comes with striving. And lastly,although you strive even with the salat which is a must for a muslim you still beg Allaah to Guide you in the straight Path.(the path of Islam). Meaning with effort and prayer to Allaah. As for praying the salat the youtube and internet tools I believe are enough for those who do the effort and pray to Allaah to guide and correct them to the straight Path. Wa salaamun Alaikum.

  9. Umm Raiyaan [SOLACE]

    MESSAGE FROM UMM RAIYAAN
    ssalamuu alaykum,
    As a SOLACE team we are grateful to Allah (Swt) first and foremost for the opportunity to create awareness about the difficulties reverts face. islam21c.com has been an amazing platform to further this type of awareness and we would also like to thank islam21.com for offering us the chance to contribute towards their articles.

    There are several organisations that support very new Muslims and try to help them during the crucial initial weeks and months. However, there is a huge number of reverts, some of whom who have been Muslim for 10+ years, who no longer seem to be labelled as a new Muslim who need just as much if not more support. For SOLACE, it is those who do not fall into the wonderful hands of organisations such as iERA and others that we tend to support.

    Sadly, to date we have received 80+ requests of help this year alone.
    If you would like to support SOLACE – you can do so through the following methods:
    1. By forwarding this article as much as possible.
    2. By joining our mailing list at http://www.solaceuk.org and forwarding campaign alerts, testimonials etc in a bid to also increase awareness.
    3. Volunteer your time to work with SOLACE
    4. Donate – we are solely funded by the kind donations by brothers and sisters.
    5. We are definitely looking to expand nationwide and internationally due to a large number of outside London cases.

    As we are a grassroots organisation, we are constantly working at the ‘front line’ directly with service users and so our work really does never stop.

    JazakhaAllahu khairan for your help,
    On behalf of all of the SOLACE team,
    Wasalamu alaykum
    Umm Raiyaan
    Director of SOLACE

    • After being a Muslim for 8 years. I do not want to be considered a new muslim.

      One of the things that has made me momentarily question my faith is the advice and actions of other Muslims.

      After 7 years trying to tell me what Islam is about although I have studied it more then them

      Making me think if I’ve got it wrong and teir version of Islam is what Islam is about them I don’t think it’s for me

      They commenting on my acts of Islam. Not taking the stuff I have to say seriously because I am a revert etc.

      I am sure there are just as many sisters who have issues after 10 years of being muslim because they cannot shake the revert label.

      • I get the same thing, it really annoys me people thinking they have more knowledge than me on a subject because they were born muslim. Even though they aren’t that practising, weren’t raised in a practising household/environment etc. People nowadays in the UK are quick to point out your mistakes whilst at the same time being clean shaven etc. They try to act like big sheikhs yet they can’t do the most basic acts themselves.

  10. Assalamu Alaikum
    Very good article. I can relate to it too. I am a revert too (22 years mashalah). What I do to beat the loneliness during this Ramadan is I go to Taraweeh as much as I can, I look out for Islamic talks/events. East London Mosque and London Central Mosque have classes/group meetings for reverts throughout the year. You can make friends there. You can also find a list of Islamic events in your area throughout the year on: http://www.ukislamicevents.net. I wish you all a blessed end of Ramadan.

  11. I also want to help revert sisters but unfortunately those I know latch on emotionally to brothers who want to help them who are already married. So the brothers will marry them as second wives and the revert sister agrees as she sees a way out of her lonely situation, but the first wife is resentful and the kids from the first wife are resentful as they now have less time with their father, and no matter what the brother says, he cannot spend everything, time, money, sex equally between the two, so I ask the revert sisters, please think twice before marrying a guy who says hes allowed polygamy by Allah, etc. but is actually causing a problem by upsetting his first family, would those revert sisters who do that really want to cause hatred in another muslim sister? Where are the single, unmarried men, who are trying so hard to keep themselves chaste, these men should help and marry these sisters, break the culture barrier and get two rewards, one for marriage, and one to bring a sister into Islam. Otherwise stop forcing marriage down their throats as the answer to revert sisters problems. I would like to help revert sisters but my experience shows that they may snatch other sisters husbands and settle to be second wives :(

    • Dear Greene,

      Assalamu Alikom, As a revert myself I find your comments in relation to your concerns and withdrawal and caution to assist new Muslim sisters because of your fear they will snatch husbands as a terrible thing to say and actually an insult to muslim revert sisters not to mention sad because of your fears which are misguided if you are referring to the majority of new Muslim sisters.

      Polygany is permissible in Islam and we cannot accuse any person of entering into it as causing hatred or upsetting a family. This is permitted by Allah and Allah knows what is best. In addition, not every Muslim woman who enters Islam is looking for marriage and her intention is to seek knowledge of the deen and to integrate into a new way of life within the Muslim community to become the best servant to Allah she can be. I agree that not all brothers have the best of intentions or capability to take a second wife. However this does not mean that all new sisters are husband snatchers and we should certainly not stop assisting them because of this misconception. If a woman fears that her husband is taking a second wife for the wrong reasons or as being incapable in terms of his responsibilities as commanded by Allah, then it is for her to discuss this with him, and to perhaps ask him to seek the advice of an Imam or to seek consultation before asking for marriage in such conditions because it is haram for him to marry if he is incapable. This may not be known by the new Muslim when she is asked, which is all the more reason why you should protect both her and yourself by doing this, or by upporting her if such a situation happens to you, and this stands for all sisters in the same situation.

      New Muslim women are extremely vulnerable in this respect and the horror stories of marriages gone terribly wrong are there for all to see. So we need to support them rather than guard ourselves against them because we are afraid for what ever reason. Perhaps if they find the support in their sisters, then they would not be so hasty to seek support in a marriage which is not the best for them.

      I understand that to force marriage at an early time within reversion is not always a good thing, a new Muslim is vulnerable and needs support and guidance through this in the correct Islamic way. However, we can also not deny that marriage is half of our deen and if a new Muslim is blessed with a good and pious Husband to teach her then this is a blessing of Allah. Not all revert marriages go wrong by the Grace and Mercy of Allah.

      The problem here is specifically that the community are not, as the article clearly states, always there for them for many reasons, and most reasons, unlike yours, are not intentional abandonments, but rather because they believe that others are giving support in ways a new Muslim needs or they just get on with their lives as normal families once the novelty of a new Muslim around wears off.

      How can I comment and say such things? We know that in Islam we must evidence all we say or witness it, and so I can say these things because I am a revert who found herself in this very situation of being left alone and I too cried to Allah. I pushed and found strength and again by His Mercy I managed to keep my faith and found the correct sources of knowledge in my determination to please Allah alone. But believe me sister, it would have been much better for me if I had been supported as the Ansar supported the Muhajireen and as the Sahabah supported their new brothers and sisters as they entered the deen. We as new Muslims read about such things, but the sad truth is that now most often this is not the case, just as we read a learn about marriage, only to find that there are many brothers who are seeking to take advantage of many things from us such as passports, money, a ticket to freedom, or a second wife as what he considers to part of high status yet is for nothing other than more physical satisfaction out of boredom or lack of responsibility for his wives and families.

      May Allah guide us all to support one another and to not fear anything other than Him. We are accountable for what we do to Help and support His servants, and this means all Muslims not just reverts.

  12. know how it feels
    I think that most of us doesen´t necessary need answers to the questions because they are easily found online.What we really need is just someone to be there and to support us.If you feel that you are alone on the journey of islam then you start to give up and you don´t feel like you even want to learn something anymore.we need people who understand us because it´s impossible to talk about religous related feelings with non muslim family or friends because they will never understand.we need someone who will just be there when ever we need them and even push us to pray or learn at the times when we are feeling down or lazy.

    • sister Halima if u really have a good intension to help the reverts, then help them for the sake of Allah only without any doubt and Allah wil reward you abundantly insha Allah.

    • its really not a good idea to learn online though, the historic way to learn about islam is with a qualified and knowledgable sheikh, not google or islam q&a etc. Also, reverts tend to learn from people who aren’t qualified sheikhs or even that knowledgable because they don’t know the difference

  13. Any way to join solace team
    As salaamu walaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakahtuhu brothers and sisters. Ramadhan mubarak and may we all gain the pleasure and bounty of Allah in these last 10 days and may Allah allow us to complete this holy month

    I would be more than happy to help sisters who are new to the faith. if there is any way i can get aqainted with someone, it would be great.

  14. Mrs
    I live in Croydon, if there any sisters that would like company or support during this blessed month It’d be lovely to meet up x

  15. A twist on the regular shahaadah story…
    Alhamdulillah during the ongoing iERA Olympics Dawah Campaign – over 20 people have embraced Islam so far. The question that gets asked – What happens to the new Muslims???

    This is how Muslim Now and iERA treat shahaadahs:

    For every brother or sister who accepted Islam, details were logged; name, add, email and contact number by the dai’e and texted right away to a central mobile number to collect on a database.

    The New Muslim brothers were then taken to the New Muslim lead at the location, who welcomed the new brother, congratulated him for the amazing decision he has taken to submit to Allaah and encouraged him now to build a relationship with Allaah by doing what Allaah loves; and that He loves the most are the obligatory acts, and the best of these are the Salaah (prayer) and in this month the Siyaam (The fasts in Ramadan). The New Muslim brother was then given a DVD on the breakdown/how to make Salaah with an accompanying book to go with this (http://www.muslimnow.com/learn.html). They were then offered the opportunity to go to Goodge Street masjid where we had a team of brothers & sisters teaching people the Salaah.

    The New Muslim sisters were also taken to the New Muslim lead who did likewise as above, but then arranged a phone call with a sister who welcomed the New Muslimah sister arranging a time where they could possibly meet.

    The new Muslim brothers & sisters will then be contacted over the next few days; text/email inviting them to a free dinner, sent a New Muslim welcome pack free of charge (http://www.muslimnow.com/welcome.html) and invited The Journey of the Life | New Muslim Retreat

    Find out more about the retreat at http://www.IslamEssentials.org

  16. Light at the end of the tunnel!
    Jazakallah-khair for such an eye opening article.
    I would like to add that there are other support services out there for new muslims, in particular – Muslim Now which was set up by iERA (The Islamic Education and Research Academy) dedicated to welcome, empower and provide education for New Muslims.

    They currently are having Weekly Online classes with Abdurraheem Green focusing on Ramadan Essentials for new Muslims ( See https://www.facebook.com/events/165538650247247/)

    In addition they organise regular retreats for new Muslims to help build that solid foundation of Islam that Sr. Umm Raiyaan talked about. The next one, ‘The Journey of Life | Islam Essentials Series’ is at the end of august so if you know any new Muslims or are a new Muslim yourself then please visit http://www.IslamEssentials.org

  17. Converts/reverts/new Muslims leaving Islam.
    Jazakallah for your spot on article, which is so true, & makes us all feel sad & frustrated.:( I know the stark reality , as to why “New Muslims leave ( & return! to Islam ) im converted seven years, Alhamdiallah.;D Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world, & inshallah we can hold on to this fact, & give us strength. Yes, we need the correct on-going support, friendship, Islamic counseling, & a compatible husband, etc which i have had to find myself, & thru asking at various Masjids & thru Islamic lessons & conferences in Masjids & Halal meeting events. If new Muslims are shy to ask etc, then our Ummrah needs to change their attitudes, & stop viewing us as “spys”! Due to Islamophobia & mass hysteria & wars on Islam, born Muslims find it hard to trust recently converted Muslims! ( i find this is still true! so i have to earn their trust over seven long years) The Ummah needs to educate itself & join together globally, & view us as one, break down the barriers, & be “Muslims without Borders!” You can e.mail me on;- *** ( I have traveled all over the world, to many Muslim countries, Alhamdiallah) May Allah help us all, to help each other. SISTER LAIQUAH. London.

    *** Edited by Moderator.
    Please contact Support organisations such as SOLACE or initiatives in your locality and offer your help. May Allah reward you with goodness.

  18. islamic asistent
    bro. and sist.asslamu alaykum
    I lernt islamic course from alzahra you can joine too. go and see there education provide… spacily for youth and newmuslims. chec web islamicjameah.org.uk or contect islamicjameah@gmail.com allah is great .allah will help those who seek help from him
    wasslam:

  19. Not only reverts
    I feel saddened by Mandy’s experience since I UNDERSTAND how it feels not to be accepted by your so called religious group. Ironically I am a born muslim, raised in a small town in the US. When I moved to the city to go to university, that was the lonliest time of my life. Sisters qutie frankly are nto welcoming. Judgements of me not wearing the hijab was an issue. I can personally say that the experience of reverts of lonliness and community is not just theirs alone, but of born muslims as well. Our community relations just suck.

  20. was christian
    When I become christian they took me under their wing and never left my side I had church to go to church groups Home groups ect . But I found a faith the opened my heart Islam Like so many others It started fine but then nothing . Not that Im not willing to do my bit of discovery in Islam .
    but as they say leave a sheep on its own it will stray! But my sister friend are trying and I love them dearly . I feel so strong in my faith when with them but when Im on my own sometimes I feel like giving ou on it .

  21. - Many revert sisters are coerced by the ‘imaam’ to marry the wrong kind of pious-type brother
    Assalamu Alaikum Wrb..
    Dear revert sisters I feel your pain and empathise completely. There are even ‘born’ muslim brothers who struggle with their Deen and feel alone in Ramadhan. I dont come from a family which is ‘close knit’ and I have found myself over the past 10 years mostly breaking my fasts in Masjids or at restaurants.. The worst thing is in most of these Masjids to qualify for a “wife”, you need to be part of the ‘clique’ of Salaafi brothers.. Whose understanding of the Sunnah is ‘beard length’ and ‘have you shortened your trousers’> For all these ‘self-righteous’ brothers Emaan has to be worn on the thowb> The beautiful Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (pbuh)is restricted to superficial external show of piety> I am 34, and I am very angry inside not at Allah, as ALHAMDULILAH I accept it is Qadr that I am not married> I am just hurt, dissapointed that none of the brothers from the Masjid have helped me/introduced me to any sister for Marriage in 6 years..> I normally go to ‘Al-Muntada’ Masjid, the Imaam is a good brother MashaAllah but tells me that all the sisters who are registered with him are ‘divorced’.. And I havent heard back from him..> SubhanAllah when we look at the example of the Sahabah who would do ‘practical actions’ immediately for the Sake of Allah to relieve the pain/distress/burden of a Muslim..> These imaams/masjids are only interested in maintaining the status quo, and securing revenue streams for their staff members..
    May Allah guide them to Seerat ul Mustaqeem, AMEEN

  22. Assalam u Alaikum

    Brothers and sisters I am from Jalalabad, Afghanistan and It would be my pleasure to help reverts to be better Muslims. You can email me your questions and I will try to give you Illustrated answers. Now, I am helping a revert sister who is in Pownal, Vermont USA and I have friends in Washington DC, My brother is in Montreal, Quebec and I am available through Email anytime.
    Thanks

    • Thanks for your offer brother and am from Kenya struggling with new life as a Muslim having converted from Christianity. Kindly get in touch as the morale is low. Salaam Aleikum

  23. As salaamu Alaikum,

    Its important that the reverts have knowledge(at least Quran translation complete Quran.) early on. Without reading the translations of the whole Quran, you dont know what Islam is about. The religion is not about friends and family and walks in the park. This is a belief you accept from the start based on the knowledge of the Quran. So, reading the translation of the Quran early on is of critical importance. You accept islam is going to come with trials and tests to really find out if you are going to hold on to Islam or go back on your heels. All of that is in the Quran read it, or if you cant read listen to authentic translations and try hard to learn to read. The fact is many born muslims are lost about what islam really is about. not knowing islam except what their parents who may not have ever known islam from culture tell them. in addition Islam is not mastered in one day, you progress gradually and may even involve no progress if you dont make the effort. The types of effort needed are to just submit to the orders of Allaah and not follow your desires such as quitting cigarretes to please your creator and other desires. Islam contains effort and struggle to maintain it. This should be pointed out from the start without having to scare the people but as a reality check in to what to expect. And Allah has said that the one who fears the standing before his Lord(judgement day) and restrains the soul from desires. The reward for that is Jannah. All in all, either the case is one of lack of knowledge of Islam. Quran and Sunnah. Or, the ability to not follow the knowledge(following desires.) from any of those parties either from reverts or born muslims,although we are all born muslims. Also, lastly friends/family/close ones influence a person so, beware who you associate with. If your family is all kafir and you have no muslims around you go to a muslim area or suggest your family to move to an area where there is a muslim population. Or leave them if you are able to. If you have no friends, doesnt you are alone as sufficient is Allaah as an Ally and helper.

    Wassalaamu Alaikum.

    May we meet in Jannah. Aamiin.

    • Thats true about needing an english translation of the quran but that is almost always the case, the problem is when they just read the quran without a tafsir or they learn from the wrong ppl

  24. Abu Abdillah Shakir

    Subhaan Allaah !
    Assalaamu alaikum it’s an eye opener . May Allaah Azz wa jall make it easy.

  25. Very good article and I can relate
    Alhamdulilah, this was a very good article and so much truth in it. I live in the U.S. and I accepted Islam 7 years ago at the age of 40. It was Allah that guided me to Islam and it has been Allah that kept me on the straight path since then. I’ve had many struggles and could relate to so much of what the sister wrote here. The isolation was unbearable at times. I would go to my neighborhood masjid during ramadan only to have the immigrant sisters, by and large, leave me out of their conversations (Allah knows if they spoke English or just chose to speak in their native tongues with each other but it was isolating). I often felt they were even talking about me. Even though I am married now and this has helped immensely with my sense of loneliness and isolation, yet and still once you accept Islam, your whole life begins to change. In many ways you become a pariah, an outsider. I lost friends and my family has never really accepted my being a muslim. Eventoday when I visit my father he can’t help talking about religion and telling me that I’m going to hell. I also feel there are tons of racial issues amongst the muslims in the U.S. that shuts out African American reverts while embracing (to some degree) the caucasian reverts. The indo/pak/arab muslims are the worse at this. May Allah guide us and help us. I wish we had a group like SOLACE here in the U.S. May Allah reward your intentions. Ameen.

  26. Support ~
    As salaamu alikum,

    For any Muslim who needs support, please don’t hesitate to contact me. Masha-Allah I accepted Islam 20 years ago. Even if you just need someone to listen – I will do that too.

    Need help,
    Don’t know how to pray,
    Reciting even Al-Fatiha in Arabic, I will help with that also.

    Send an email.

    ***
    Dana

    *** Edited by Moderator.
    Please contact Support organisations such as SOLACE or initiatives in your locality and offer your help. May Allah reward you with goodness.

  27. I would be very willing to help Mandy if she is still about.

  28. subhanAllah your not alone!!!
    My name is Deborah I am a New Zealand revert now for 3 years, my husband also a NZmaori reverted 4 years ago Alhamdulillah. Trust me all the feelings you are going through we also went through and its not easy but you have to keep struggling on Ask Allah(swt) to send you a Good GOD fearing revert Sister to you, ask for things to be easy Allah knows all the hardships you going through you are never alone!! Here in NZ we have just started New Muslim Project through a trust that once to help people just like you with other reverts buddying up to ask & answer and support all these issues that we face. May Allah make things easy for us all and inshaAllah accept all our efforts & struggles for HIM the only 1 worth the struggle for. I wish I could be there to help you Sister please email me inshaAllah. Don’t Give up this life will be over before you know it!! May Allah keep us all in HIS mercy and guidence. Ameen. Much Love from New Zealand ;)

  29. Ms
    Salaam…..
    I would like to help in any way possible

  30. Ms
    Salaam ….Inshallah I would like to help, in any way possible….

    Jaza Kala khair…

  31. I can relate.
    Assalaamu alaikum and Ramadan mubarak.

    This was particularly meaningful to me as I face similar struggles. I first considered myself a “muslim” about three or four years ago. I live in a small town with no muslim community and most of my family/friends are anti-religious. I think you can imagine the difficult situation this put me in and needless to say I hardly practice Islam; all you really see me doing is reading the Qur’an, not eating pork, and fasting during ramadan. I have actually considered leaving Islam many times and actually did once a couple years ago before finally realizing I still had faith thus returning. Anyway, I don’t want to get into my life story here and just wanted to say that these things are very real challenges, especially for people like me who have never actually interacted with a real live muslim outside the internet.

  32. Allahu Akbar
    Didnt know our reverts brother/sister faced so much of hardship by our own hands… May Allah guide and help us all… Insha Allah Ameen

  33. Suleman Johnson

    Good Article
    Assalam Alaykum. The article was very good. Being a Muslim for over 11 years I can see similar experiences that I had myself. Ramadam for be is bittersweet. On the one hand I can devote myself to more worship, studying,etc. On the other hand I am reminded of how lonely I am since my family is not Muslim, neither is my wife ( who I separated from a long time ago).I feel this escepically during Eid since I see other families celebrating while I have no one to celebrate with. During the Christian hoildays I keep myself to myself as I have no wish to go back to their disbelief since I am now a Muslim. I have two children and the only contact I have with them is though the mother, I cannot take them out on my own and show them Islam.
    But this comment is not meant to provoke symapathy or pity. Like many new revents, I did not become Muslim for anybody else except for myself. I have no regreds at all. It was/is the best decision of my life and no matter what the cost, inshallah I will contiune to be a Muslim and stay in this state intil Allah takes my soul.
    I will end this comment with two pieces of advise. One for new/revents Muslims and the other for Muslims who have Muslims families.
    1. (New/ Revernts Muslims). Read the Qur’an (English Translation). Appiled what is said to your situation now.
    Read the Noble Life of the Prophet (PBUH)Vol 1 by Dr. Ali Muhammad As-Sallaabee. In it you will find accounts of how the Early Muslims suffer and were tested for being Muslim, but none of them left Islam. They went thought the same trials as most new Muslims.
    2. (Muslims with Muslims families). Take care of the new reverts. Remember they have only enter into Islam for a short time. They will not pick up the laws of Islam all at once. Most new reverts do not want help with money, they want emotional support. Remember that they are now your brother or sister. Treat them as such.
    To end, this is a very good article. Hopefully the author can expand on this with another one.

    Alaykum Assalam.

  34. Tobias/Umar Taitt

    The lady doth protest to much
    I’d like to second the Saeed Mohammed comment and add something of my own inshaAllah. The title is not only misleading but an ill advised fitna causer like the 3 million Indonesians leaving Islam every year email doing the rounds. As a convert/revert of 21 years and someone activly involved in dawah for 20 years, I’ve seen my fair share of those who embraced Islam (both new Muslims and those Muslim in name only)and guess what? Sometimes they just don’t cut the mustard.This is no different to the time of our beloved prophet (s). Not only did people struggle with their deen during the Prophets (s) lifetime they rejected Islam (some were scribs who wrote down the Quran). This sisters saying that after 5 years she hasnt learnt her prayer.Phfft, sorry, but I smell a rat. When I embraced in 1991 there were NO convert/dawah organisations,becoming a Muslim was an honour I didnt expect to be carried. Those ‘teaching’ new Muslims would be better of explaining this to converts, if you want help theres untold brothers and sisters ready to help. FACT! And sadly theres always going to be those who (deep down) don’t really want to be helped. O you who believe, do you think you can say I believe and I won’t test you. Quran. Nuff said. For those who’d like to learn 5 tips on khushoo in salah please go to http://www.w4jummah.org and click on the link ‘every muslim should know the answer to.’ Ramadan Kareem peeps!

  35. Thank you for this article
    To everybody, i recommmend the books of Jeffrey Lang. An american ex-atheist who converted to Islam. He’s very smart and candid about his conversion, as well as the challenges muslims or converts face.
    One of his lectures i liked very much is called The Purpose of Life.

  36. Salaam
    I’d also try to help any reverts. My e-mail is *** and I live in the UK (London area).

    *** Edited by Moderator.
    Please contact Support organisations such as SOLACE or initiatives in your locality and offer your help. May Allah reward you with goodness.

  37. The Solutions
    Assalamualaikum,

    I want to share how I took an original approach to live Islam with my new revert wife. I took the way Prophet Muhammad (Peace Upon Him) and his companions experiences Islam that is to focus on Iman first. Knowing ALLAH is a prerequisite before solat, fasting, and other obligations as the Prophet only solat 5 times a day, 13 years after the first revelation. So they have 13 years to build their Iman..we could not expect less.

  38. Assalam u alikum
    I would like to help out any Muslim revert sisters in any way I can
    I can help them to learn about Islam or even if they just want to talk, be friends anything at all
    My email is ***

    *** Edited by Moderator.
    Please contact Support organisations such as SOLACE or initiatives in your locality and offer your help. May Allah reward you with goodness.

  39. Be determined not to Quit
    I wish to encourage those of you who have accepted Islam please do not give up for Allah tells us in Quran that your condition will be worse than it was before you accepted Islam should you go back to jahillya.Another very important thing to bear in mind is that some Muslims are not as well informed as it may seem. Many who came from mMuslim parents are sometimes struggling more than the revert to hold on to Islam but you will not know unless you are closely associated with the person or persons. Many muslims raised in a Muslim family need help themselves. I have first hand exposure to that.Many Muslims need to be given the dawah too but this is another topic for a another time. A very important factor is that our Muslims need to be empathetic but it is difficult to empathise when you have no clue of what to expect in the new life of the revert.Recently those who were learners of Arabic were being thought by a teacher from a foreign land. Most of the learners were adults and well educated but Arabic being new to them they made mistakes in pronunciation which children from the teacher’s home country would not have made. I witnessed the conspicuous disgust and anger displayed by the teacher. These are important things to take into consideration by those who are helping reverts.Muslims must also realize that degrees in Islam are not tantamount to piety or righteousness, so you figure the rest. Sisters who are reverts and those who are not should never rush in to marriage. Some of us don’t really understand the responsibility that goes along with Nikkah. It is not a sport.Brothers when you mess up know that you are answerable to Allah.Sisters do not allow yourselves to the victims of those who just want to be tasters.You should thoroughly screen the would be husband.Sisters try to find a husband who is able to support you emotionally,spiritually and economically. Ensure that you can both sit and converse at a level you are both comfortable with if you cannot do so you are both heading towards lonely lives. Try to be astute.
    jannah is not cheap. Face the ups and downs. Perform the salah and make dua. Dont turn back. Use wisdom in your transition form Ignorance to Islam.You will not always be able to meet immediately the full requirements of Islam as demanded but work sincerely towards that.Reverts,I know this may be difficulty but strive for independence.Allah is the only one Who is not tired of frequent requests.Actually Allah loves to be asked often. Humans get tired if they are asked too often. May Allah help us all. Ameen.

  40. Most victims are female. Is it because most UK mosques only cater for males? I think so.

  41. This is a reminder
    This is the reminder for me to purchase gifts to my revert friends. One is divorcee who I invited to pray in musalla and she did not even reached the place and turned back to her house. When I asked to why she did not come, she repled:” I could not bear to see all this happy families and I am alone”. I will make time for her to go and spend an hour with her and her children and visit another newly wed revert sister who is learning the diyn on Eid. We need to support them emotionally, they do feel down at times…

  42. In my experience…this is not uncommon…
    The post is not describing something unusual to me…common but not talked about.
    If you want to..contact the New Muslims Project from The Islamic Foundation (.org I think…based in Leicester). They will provide you with all the support you need…Masjid’s can be very restricted (either language, politics, ethnic groups, sect etc) and can feel intimidating…I have been a revert for more than two decades now (alHamdulillah)and was viewed as an oddity (young (I was 16), white, didn’t have ‘Muslim boyfriend’ (why would you come to Islam…?was implied)). I came across many sisters from varied countries and found the variety of practices/thoughts etc only confused the issue more. As long as you have Iman in your heart then that is the best foundation. You are judged on how much you know and how you impliment it…the number of years etc is not important.
    If you wish to contact me…feel free to and we’ll see what we can do…
    Don’t beat yourself up about it…
    Take care.

  43. new muslimah
    to bad I wrote down my most meaningful thoughts on this and it did not post. just goes to show how alone i am. Not going to write it all again :(

  44. New revert ( only 1 yr old )
    I am a new revert of only 1 year and sometimes i feel shunned by other muslimahs because i am not yet praying 5 times a day and i am not participating in Ramadan yet. I am alone because my husband is in his country during this time and he is celebrating with his family and friends there. I do not look forward to Ramadan or Eid. I feel like a failure. I am a smoker ( my age is 43 ) and have been since i was 10 years old. I am having a real hard time stopping, so i am not able to participate in Ramadan. The day I reverted I stopped doing drugs and alcohol with ease, but the cigerettes are so much harder to put down, people ( muslims say it is haraam to smoke ) and act like i should be able to just stop because it is haraam, AGAIN I FAIL ISLAM…. I cant stop smoking, participate in Ramadan or Eid and I do not pray 5 times a day or attend Jummah… ( I have other reasons for not going to the masjid ). It seems only my husband understands me and supports me fully. But with him gone “I am alone”…
    I dont know who to listen to, because I see sisters who do not cover completely ( which my husband requires I do ), some show their necks and wear jewelery, some wear short sleeve shirts, some call Azan, some talk only of war and fighting, and the list goes on and on. I follow only the Quran and Sunnah and my understanding is that others do to, but they interpret them differently. It is all very confussing. When i reverted so many people said “Islam is easy”, that is not true for me, Islam is one of the most difficult tasks I have ever taken on. I will NEVER InshyaALLAH leave Islam, because I love ALLAH my King. I just wish I wasnt so confused and felt so alone. :(

    • Salaam Aleykoum, dear sister, I am like you a revert. Even though Allah had made it very easy for me to become Muslim, I recognise the struggle and the incapacity of people who are born Muslim to understand the struggle of us reverts. It is a shame that you can not experience Ramadam together with your husband. It is easier to do this with the support of your husband and community then on your own. But do not feel like a failure my sister. It is very hard to feel connected to Ramadan if there is no one to share it with or to ask support from. Now I must admit that because so many are not aware of our inner Jihad to be a good Muslim you are feeling that you have to figure this one out all on your own. Do you have any Muslim convert sisters that you know or are there any Muslim sisters as friends that live near you? I am 46 and I used to smoke, so I understand how challenging it can be. Did you try the patches or maybe try a hypno therapist? Most importantly be patient with yourself and Insh Allah, Allah will help you. Take one day at a time. In the beginning I also found it difficult to do my prayers 5 times a day. I thought after doing Alhamdulillah Hajj that it would come natural. Now I am getting into a place that I feel that my day is not going well for me if I do not pray. My husband said to me that of all the things Allah asks us this is the one requirement that is easier to fulfil. And if we do not pray and not take our time to be grateful to what Allah gives us then when will we. I start seeing it now as my private moment with Allah, my private chat and, meditation. I was born and raised in Holland so I learned my prayers phonetically. My daughter of six is way better in Arabic then I am and I struggle in learning but I am not giving up and take it one day at a time. I became Muslim and felt for the first time in my life that I was home, this feeling was only deepened as I went on Hajj. As for the sisters that you see around you: Most born Muslims mix tradition with Islam and get confused so the fact that they were born into it does not mean that they should not learn. If your husband is from for example Pakistan they will follow in general Hanafi school. My husband is from Egypt and even though I live in a Pakistani/ Malaysian location I connect a little easier with the Arabic Muslim community. Islam is not difficult but very straight forward we people make it difficult because we do not know how to integrate Islam in our daily lives. Please do not give up sister and if you want have chat Insh Allah I am there. I learned over the years that you have to develop yourself: Read, register yourself for example on the online university of doctor bilal phillips and learn about Aqeedah and Tawheed. We need to develop ourselves and gain knowledge so that our Deen will become stronger and we will know what we want and who we are, but most of all understand what Allah asks from us. My dear sister our journey has just begun and you may feel lonely but you are never alone. For the sake of Allah I care for you my sister and hope that we can support each other in our struggle in becoming truly who we are: Muslim.

      • Jazakallahu Kahairan Sister in Islam. You said so much it is hoped she will reason with you.

        My further advice to her is to dedicate herself to prayer to Allah (SWT) to solve all the challenges she is facing. The most important thing is the faith and she has it.

        Anything good in life is usually carrying serious challenges, especially for someone to change or convert to another religion.

  45. A sad story but one wonders if the sister felt the same way about her faith pre-Ramadan? I know a lot of people find Ramadan a particularly difficult experience whether new to Islam or not and we must ask ourselves why she accepted Islam in the first place, the article is a little vague,not enough background. There are lots of places on the net where you can find out about everything concerning Islam, it couldn’t be a more informative place. Also most cities have group sessions for new Muslims. The thing is if you really love Islam for what is really is about then no amount of lonliness will change anything, you have the love of Allah (swt), that’s enough in anyone’s books.

  46. being a ‘new’ muslim
    I have not had such a hard time as this sister, as I had a lovely Pakistani family take me under their wings for months.
    However, my family have almost totally rejected me, which is VERY hard. Also, I made a clean break from my old life so, only recently, after 6 years, met up with Christian friends, from my past.
    They were shocked at who I have become, not because I am a radiant believer (I hope I was that, as a Christian) but because I am subdued,no loner joking/laughing, seeming to be happy.
    This has made me really ponder WHO I AM, WHO HAVE I BECOME.
    I am wearing clothes that look more Asian than British, do not take care of myself as before, as hair is covered and I do not wear make-up any more.
    I have had three disastrous proposals of marriage, over the 6 years, and alhamdulillah, none worked out.

    Should I, as an older woman, have to consider being a 2nd wife? Islam is misunderstood/ misrepresented enough in the UK, without forcing this issue down British throats. PLUS I do not think it will ever be acceptable, yet so may new muslim men, think they can take another wife and if the first one disagrees, just divorce her and plunge her onto benefits!
    Sister, if you want to email me, please do and I shall call you if necessary and open my home to you.
    The question of Arabic is another sticky point, as no one, in the muslim community, really caters for new muslims to learn it. Plus where is there an English mosque?? we have to attend masjids, where the lingua franca is Urdu or Turkish.
    Hey, wake up, Umma! Are you praying for Allah to touch hearts in UK? If so, be ready, there will be a turning to Islam but I am not sure the present-day masjids will be responsible.
    So many folk are questioning, searching and do believe in One God but no one is telling them the beauty of Rasoolullah (saw) and how we muslims are also waiting for Isa (aws). So many similarities with christianity, far more than nay differences, yet Islam is seen as Pakistani/Bengali etc and I am sorry to say, some muslims cannot accept new muslims as being proper muslims.
    It is enough to say,’La illaha illallah’ to enter Paradise and the churches do believe that, however confused they are about Isa (aws).

    I say to this sister, it is enough, in these days, for you to put your head down in sajdah and say, ‘I believe there is no God but Allah and Muhammad is His Prophet’. IF that is all you can do, Allah bless you.

  47. An Eye-Opener
    Subhanallah, this is a very sad piece, but unfortunately one that needed to be written. I was unaware that reverts were so neglected sometimes, and I find myself angry that this is the case. It is simply unacceptable that we invite non-Muslims into our beautiful deen, and then as they take shahadah, we abandon them. What kind of image of Islam does this present to the new revert?

    I think the brother’s post about the supposed inappropriateness of the title completely misses the point. The question is a valid one, and an appropriate title for this piece. It is our responsibility to address this issue and correct ourselves accordingly. Regrettably, I doubt that many will. We’ll simply make our excuses to defend the indefensible, or we’ll just go away having read this article and forgetting its lessons before Maghrib. I, for one, intend to be more caring towards reverts in my community insha’Allah.

    I’m going to borrow the dua from a previous comment because it really is beautiful. May Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala make firm our feet on His Straigh Path, and secure our graspe on His Rope that our hearts never deviate from His Way for us. May He Subhana wa ta’ala bestow upon us all Tafiq that we be able to do deeds that bring us closer to His Pleasure in this life and in the Hereafter that we be among those whose pleasure is Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala. Aameen.

  48. Saeed Mohammed

    Why are new muslims leaving Islam?
    The title of the article “why new muslims are leaving Islam” is not relevant at all. Its understood that titles are selected to grab readers’ attention. Unfortunately, sometimes the titles of articles are so irrelevant that they lack common sense! The title of this article sends negative message not only against Muslims but Islam as whole!! Why have you not set the title as “Challenges faced by New Muslims” or “Hardships faced by New Muslims” or “Challenges & Oppurtunities for New Muslims”

    • Sorry, but it’s the truth. These are the exact reason reverts are leaving. I know because I am one and if it wasn’t for online Muslim communities I would’ve left long ago not knowing anything and unable to learn on my own. This article brings up legitimate points that need to be addressed and not ignored because it reflects badly on the community,

      • If there is anything we can do, plse drop a note…My wife is also a revert and she will be more than happy, even if it means providing a listening year. My Allah guide us all.

  49. A sad but much needed reminder
    I think this is a situation that female reverts will suffer from more than their male counterparts. I sympathise and our apathy in helping reverts is inexcusable. We owe a duty of care to all our fellow brothers and sisters.

    I’m glad to see the likes of SOLACE really help our brothers and sisters however, I feel that many grievances remain undocumented.

    Insh’Allah we will support our brothers and sisters as best we can.

  50. Aiysha-Safiyyah@hotmail.com

    AssalamuAlaikum WaRahmatullahi WaBarakatuh
    Alhamdulillah Rabbil Alameen! JazakAllah Khair for your having included me in this post – I thought it was just me who use to feel like sister Mandy describes. It can be a lonely journey on the Way to Allah and still at times I feel it. I have been a Muslim now since 2006 Alhamdulillah and I have never been able to experience Ramadan as those who are born into this Deen do. It is often said that as a revert to Islam there is so much Blessing, Alhamdulillah that this be true InshaAllah, but the blessing of one who was brought up in the folds of Islam are often overlooked by those that have been. The very least of which being the bond that there is within the family, InshaAllah. When many reverts are shunned by their own birth families (so to speak) we have no where to turn but to Allah Subhana wa ta’ala, and sometimes it feels like we are out in the cold. Islam is for a revert a journey into the unknown, while our hearts know the direction we wish to go, our feet do not know that steps that need to be taken. JazakAllah Khair for your post, because it give permission for we who have felt that something is seriously missing in our journey to acknowledge in our hearts what that really is. JazakAllah Khair for the advice that you give to those who meet reverts along the way for it brings awarness where maybe there was not before. May Allah Subhana wa ta’ala make firm our feet on His Straigh Path, and secure our graspe on His Rope that our hearts never deviate from His Way for us. May He Subhana wa ta’ala bestow upon us all Tafiq that we be able to do deeds that bring us closer to His Pleasure in this life and in the Hereafter that we be among those whose pleasure is Allah Subhana wa ta’ala. Aameen sum Aameen

    AssalamuAlaikum

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