What happened to Chris?

Here is the scenario: your child comes home and says, “Mum/Dad, my classmate Chris is now a girl.”

You want to answer in a calm, authoritative way reflecting the reality and Islamic teaching, and to give your child clarity that protects their fitrah and wellbeing.

Guiding principles

Truth with mercy

Islam teaches that Allah created us male and female as a sign and a mercy. Those young people who believe they are in the wrong body are victims of a cruel claim, not only that someone could be born in the wrong body, but that you can change something as fundamental as biological sex.

Dignity for everyone

Your child must know bullying and name-calling are not things we should do to others. We can disagree with the bad choices of others, whilst treating them as human beings.

Parents are the primary educators

You set the frame. As a starting point, children need to recognise that the way they view things and the behaviours they accept as normal are shaped by our Creator, who created us from nothing and knows what is best for us.

Feelings vs. facts

Feelings can be powerful and deserve compassion, but they do not change biological reality. Some things are real and others are not.

Privacy and boundaries

Your child should fundamentally know right from wrong, as defined by Allah and His Messenger, but they are not a counsellor tasked with dealing with deep-rooted issues of other children in their classroom.

They should treat everyone well, choose their friends wisely, but not feel they need to probe classmates’ personal situations.

Age-appropriate language

We must use simple, concrete words for young children; and provide more detail as they mature.

Difference does not equal trans

There may be some girls who don’t like to play with dolls and pink is not their favourite colour. Some boys may not be into football and they are not too interested in interests other boys their age like. This does not mean they need to identify in opposition to their biological sex.

Simple explanation for young children

Something along the lines of the following can be personalised and used when you find yourself needing to explain the topic to 5–10-year-old children:

Allah made people boys and girls, and our bodies are an amānah (trust) from Him. Sometimes people feel different or confused about themselves, and we should be kind to them. But feelings don’t change how Allah created our bodies. We treat everyone with respect, and we keep following what Allah taught us.

“Feelings can be strong, but our bodies tell us if we’re male or female. Liking different toys or clothes doesn’t change your sex.”

Step-by-step chat when “Chris” is mentioned

1 — Listen and soothe	Begin with empathy and reassurance.	“Thank you for telling me. How do you feel about it?”
2 — Affirm kindness	Emphasise compassion and good manners.	“In our family, we are kind to everyone. No teasing, no bullying, no gossip.”
3 — Share the truth simply	Explain Allah’s design with clarity and gentleness.	“Allah created us male and female. Our bodies are a trust from Him. Feeling different doesn’t change how we were created.”
4 — Separate interests from biological sex	Help them understand that likes and dislikes don’t define gender.	“Some boys may not like football and some girls may hate the colour pink. Interests, likes/dislikes don’t change the fact that everyone is either a boy or a girl.”
5 — Give a boundary and a plan	Teach practical steps for social situations.	“If you’re unsure what to say, use Chris’s name and be polite. If anyone pressures you, tell the teacher and tell me.”
6 — Make duʿā together	End with spiritual grounding and compassion.	“May Allah guide us to kindness and truth, and guide Chris.”

What to do/avoid

Say, “If you feel confused, I’m here. We’ll take it step by step.”
Say, “It’s okay to have different feelings; we can talk about them.”
Communicate with love, not fear. You want your child to come back to you in the future with any concerns they are facing. In Surat Luqman, Prophet Luqman (ʿalayhi al-Salām) advised his son about weighty and serious matters, but with love. He addressed his son with, “O my beloved son”. Advise and guide your children from the position of overt love.

Avoid

Over-sharing adult details.
Insults, jokes, or speculation about classmates.
Outsourcing your authority (“Whatever the school says is truth”).

Common child questions and answers

“Did Allah make a mistake with Chris?”

“Allah doesn’t make mistakes. Sometimes people feel unhappy or confused. We still treat them kindly while we follow what Allah taught us.”

“If Chris says he’s a girl, should I say ‘she’?”

“Be polite and use Chris’ name. If teachers require different words, be respectful, avoid arguments in class, and let me know so I can speak to the school.”

“What if Chris is sad?”

“We never add to someone’s sadness. Be kind, include them in games, and don’t discuss their private life.”

“Can a boy wear a dress?”

“Although clothes don’t change someone’s sex, our Prophet ﷺ taught us that males should not wear female clothes and females should not wear male clothes.”

“What about people born different (intersex)?”

“That’s a medical condition affecting the body of a very small number of people. Doctors and families make careful decisions. It’s not the same as a person feeling different from their body.”

Age-tuning your message

5–7	Keep it simple and reassuring.	“Allah made boys and girls. We’re kind to everyone. Feelings don’t change our bodies.”
8–11	Clarify that feeling or acting different doesn’t mean being “trans”. Emphasise privacy and respectful communication.	Coach polite in-class responses and explain that interests don’t change biological sex.
12+	Address social and emotional influences more directly.	Discuss peer pressure, online influence, the value of patience, and seeking trusted support.

If your child feels confused

Open the door: “You can tell me anything, without anger.”
Normalise discomfort: growing up in a society that rejects the guidance of God can feel messy; that’s okay, the guidance of Allah keeps us on firm ground.
Empower purposeful living: guide your child to build conviction in a higher purpose than the fulfilment of desires. Then support them to develop an authentic, meaningful, personal relationship with Allah.
Prioritise love: a lack of love can create vulnerabilities in children and push them to embrace ideologically popular fads to fill the void. Prioritise overt love to your child through hugs, kisses, praise, loving words, and quality time.
Widen their world with sports, skills, service to others, and same-sex Muslim role models.
Reduce noise: limit social media content; protect sleep, prayer, and routines.
Seek wise support: if distress persists, consider a counsellor who respects your child’s Islamic faith to understand underlying causes of dissatisfaction in their biological sex.
Keep hope alive: feelings change, but Allah’s mercy and guidance are a constant.

Navigating your school

Teach your child to be polite, brief, and safe; they are not obliged to argue.

If a school policy or practice troubles your child, they should tell you, so that you can engage with the school, see this past article for an in-depth guide.

Also, make sure to keep records of incidents and communications — positive, negative, and neutral — and build alliances with other parents to raise concerns as a group.

Quick scripts for parents

A ten-second line for when you’re really short for time:

We’re kind to everyone. Allah made us male or female as a gift. Feelings don’t change that.”

And a slightly longer response at 30 seconds, with some more detail:

I’m glad you told me. Remember, no teasing. Allah created us male and female; interests don’t change sex.

If you’re ever unsure at school, use their name, be respectful, and tell me if anything feels uncomfortable.”