when the book of Allah is not followed and people dismiss hadiths as some writing of selfish men for their own needs!! who is this sister zainab, the reject what the imams like Buckari and Muslim, along with other scholars who dedicate their lives so we can get the right information about this religion? the Quran gives the ruling and huduud but doesn't explain in detail. how do you know how to perform hajj,make wudhu,perform the janaaza,how to make ghusle,how many rakaa in each prayer,what to recite,what to do when you make a mistake and countless others and people want to reject hadiths? and there is a hadith wich the prophet(saw)said"he is not from us the one who is a beast to his wife and wants to go to her at night". Allah said in the Quran the some ayats are plain and others not so, those who have a diseas in their harts look to find meanings for these ayaats.he also said he sent the quran and the wisdom. we need to learn about our religion because this ummah is in a weak state and turn back to Allah. from personal experience i know that hurting another human being is wrong and violence and anger is just the footsteps of the devil.my dua goes out to all the sisters who are abused and the brothers also. let us remember that eeman and steadfastness is the cure for many of our problems today in the ummah. salaamualaykum

AlHumdulilLaah the article is a poignant one, some of the comments however, are shocking. Yes we are all very aware of the issue about men abusing women and yes some of you have touched on the fact that women abuse men - but how many people actually realise the severity of it all? There are so many support systems in place to help women and even children who are abused, these days we are also seeing support available for abuse against the elderly, and while I do acknowledge that there are a few places that aim to help male victims, I can assure you that this is simply not enough! Women DO abuse the men and children in their families, and they DO abuse the system. Yes men may well often be the perpetrators of DV but that doesn't give the world the excuse to brush THEIR victimisation under the carpet. I used to be so infuriated by "all the things men do against women" (including some people preventing us from going to the mosque - which of course still drives me nuts) but these days, after witnessing and experiencing DV at the hands of my now ex sister-in-law (she repeatedly abused my brother and parents while living with them and now, having obtained Khulla through the courts by claiming that my brother was the abuser, still continues to abuse the children in her separate house), I am very pro men's rights and try to do what I can to make these issues known. DV is certainly a subject I am VERY passionate about and hate the fact that people think it's "just silly" to say that men are ABUSED by their wives or that they should "suck it up and be a man - after all she's just a little woman". Seriously, I'M a "little woman", I mean I'm short and look fairly childlike at times, but that doesn't mean I couldn't do some damage if needs be (I do security by the way) and I know for a fact that there are PLENTY of women out there who are similar in appearance and they know it... so they use it. Except these are the women who actually DO the damage. By AlLaah's blessings I am not a violent person, so I know that being ABLE to hurt someone doesn't mean that I ought to, just because I can. Why do people not realise that COMMUNICATION and UNDERSTANDING is the key to getting ahead in ANY situation; whether it be marriage, work, or a simple discussion about what toy to get. Violence is NOT THE ANSWER! Throwing a tantrum (which is essentially where DV spikes from) will not help you achieve what you ultimately want! You may get the house or the car (or the toy) but what's the point if everyone's angry or upset or bleeding in a corner?
Sorry I realise this has turned into a bit of a rant, and there were other points I had wanted to make, but I think I should stop now and give your collective eyes a rest
All I will say at this point is that we need to discuss these evils in our world, in a clear and open manner; this is the only way to get ahead and help to resolve the issue of DV and indeed any other pressing matters. We should seek to help our communities progress with the assistance and guidance of the Qur'aan and Sunnah, we should use the Ahadeeth to help us get further depth, and we should use our collective knowledge to teach others how to become better Muslims InshaAlLaah.
Sorry it’s so long. JazakalLaah Khair

As.sallam alaykum,

The abuse that is define as " Domestic violence’ is a term used to describe aggressive, oppressive and ‘dominant’ behaviour adopted by one individual over a fellow human being." is enough to show that Knowledge should proceed speech and action.
The fact is brothers and sisters; that one partners dominance over another is only abuse when it exceeds the bounds of Islam. Hence I say this happens in the UK far greater to men than to Muslim women.

How often do we know of men who are silent in the face of increasingly unislamic behaviour that exhibits itself in a dominance within the affairs of the home and the children. Most often backed by the threat of divorce and taking the children away from their father.
Moreover it is the women of the Muslim community who have taken to excesses such as abandonment of rights and in many cases involving the authorities against those Allah has put over the women as custodians, protectors and helpers.

I pray that the one who wrote this and others reading this, will be honest and come out against this tyranny that has afflicted the muslims in the UK, particularly the non cultural sunnis, who isolated and left unprotected by the secular laws most often hold on through the abuse rampant from our sisters because of their belief in the law of the Qur'an and Sunnah, their adherence to the way of Muhammad and their knowledge that the abuse will merely shift to their children once they are gone.

This article needs thoroughly reviewing and should be backed up with both Ayah and Quran and the explanations of the Scholars. As its stands it's merely a white wash of the true reality and a stereotypical view of whats wrong in the homes of the Muslims in the UK.

From what is known and experienced but seldom dealt with or spoken about.... that men are being cast out from their homes and their children's lives and Muslim women have become shamefully an instrument of teh downfall of the Muslim community in the UK.

One anecdotal evidence I supply is this

A wife went off complaining to her mother and aunt that she was being treated badly or unhappy with her marriage. The mother sat her youngest daughter down and asked her what was the matter

Does he beat you?

no came the answer

Does he not house you...
Again no was the answer , rather he works hard to provide for us with a modest wage the best he can

Does he not feed you what he eats/
Again the daughter had to speak the truth and say that rather the majority of his wealth he spends on the family to make sure that they ate well.

So came then came the mothers last question... What is the complaint?

She said " he has sworn that should I divorce him he will fight it and should I want to divorce he will refuse to allow me to keep the children. "

( however she knew that under Islamic law he had a right to this should she remarry and she also intended to use the Uk secular authorities to ensure that she would keep them away from their father and with her though this was exceeding what Islam allowed.)

The mother and aunty said to the daughter if he wished to take these children this is his right.

This is a true narration and indeed it shows the abuse that is common is based around not adhering to the higher laws Islam. This true story is common place in the sunni community today especially among the diaspora from east African Muslim communities and the many reverted families that now exist. What it highlights also is that the educated daughter didn't know what the she had been raised upon, those Islamic principles that her mother and aunt knew well, the obligations of the husband and father to his family but more significantly the daughter had missed totally her obligation towards the family and her husband and thought only how to ensure she got what she wanted.

Extremely important for us to note is that the ahaddeeth in support of both the mothers reaction and in negation of the daughters position against her husband are many as are the ayat. To avoid a lengthy piece i have omitted them but should there be a need to provide evidence then it can be done.

I have found some of the comments made here quite interesting, informative and othrs a little naive and 'hopeful'. The fact that domestic abuse has been inflicted against women for many years and they have remained within this situation for numerous amount of years should suggest to some the difficulties (and impossibility)of women escaping or seeking assistance. Many families will not address the issue with the male perpertrator and instead will increase women's suffering by informing her to be patient and using excuses such as it is within a mans nature etc or do not want to disclose it due to the fear of their 'izzat' being tarnished.

Outside agencies is at times the only way a woman can seek help and often it is when things have got too mucvh to handle rather than a 'excuse' to call the police. Whilst i recognise their are male victims of abuse this is no where at the scale of that which is inflicted on females by men (and the impact is not completely the same) and this is because society be it here in Britain or globally, is mainly a patriachial one which influences mean and women to continue to behave or endure in accordance to what is 'expected' of their roles within culture and not so much their religion.

Strange that Allah (swt) gives permission to husbands to 'hit'/'beat'/'smack' their wives (see Suran Nisaa) if they overly misbehave. Anyone who reads this verse would most likely understand it to mean that the husband can go into the shed, pull out his boxing gloves and lay one on his wife...

It is rather the hadith that give us a brilliant understanding of how the verse of Qur'an is implemented - and that, if it ever came to the stage where a husband needed to show his 'discontent' with his wife by 'hitting' her, the prophet (saw) gave us (in the hadith literature) guidelines (you cannot hit faces, leave marks etc...). Without this, the door is open for a real beating!

--------------------------------------

To those of you who reject hadith, or believe that the books of hadith are man made, done by men to benefit themselves - then please read some books on the science of hadith so that you may learn that this is not the case.

Salamun alaikum,I agree Zainab's words.Accept Qraan,hadeeths keep aside.

Masha'Allah great article, may Allah reward you for highlighting such an silenced issue. Hamdulillah for NDV it's a much needed service and I pray people make use of it.

There was a study not long ago which showed in most cases women will stay in abusive relationship for 15-20 years before they've "had enough" and will do something about it.

I am a victim of female domestic voilence. You would be surprised how many men are in my situation (1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men).Not much difference.There are about 450 women refuges in the UK and growing but only 40 for men.

While domestic voilence against women is considered BAD, it is considered funny when committed by women. Feminist organisations exist to exploit the resources and have effectively become FEMINAZIs. I suggest the readers and the writer do a bit of their own research to understand the full scale of abuse by women.

Good article. Indeed domestic violence is widely prevalent around the globe and in reality, more widespread in non-Muslim circles.

The reason for domestic violence to be found in certain Muslim households too has some different reasons which haven't been highlighted by the author here. Thus, let us not be silence about that either.

Indeed, very true that the Noble Quran has flatly prohibited any such dominating attitude by men toward their spouses.

But the man-written & highly controversial Hadith is quite a different story. We all know that 99% of the Ahadith we see today are NOT the sayings of our beloved Prophet (S) but simply the words of later time commoners (including the imams and so-called ulemas) to promote their selfish values - political, social, moral and legal. Also, the entire Hadith literature is in a mess .. big time! That's because new forgeries keep creeping in and infiltrating into the various Hadith collections every generation. Some of these Ahadith sound decent and speak against male dominance & domestic violence. But not all. Many Ahadith are absolutely obnoxious, misogynistic and highly sexist. They not only promote the idea of a male dominating household but also give crazy ideas into the minds of misogynists to exacerbate such behavior. As if the offensive Ahadith that rules the minds of many Muslims aren't enough as a huge drawback, these are backed up by offensive fatwas too by many of our firebrand imams.

Therefore, the author must know, no matter how objectionable this might sound to the present mainstream Muslims, they must abandon these false annexations that today present the face of Islam to the world and provide excuses to the male jerks of the Muslim community to carry out their domestic abuse unhindered.

If we want to eradicate domestic violence and so many other un-Islamic practices that have evolved gradually, we MUST trash all man-written nonsense and return to the Divine Final Message of Allah Almighty. The Noble Quran is a Standalone and Independent Book. Unfortunately, the bad & false ahadith and those many terrible fatwas by manipulative & misogynistic imams are the chief causes of promoting domestic violence and intolerance in Muslim households.

To the author and all Muslims: Please do NOT be silence on this issue if you really want to help your community. How can the help come if you don't speak about uprooting the source of that scourge? Return to the Noble Quran alone, and trash all man-written writings and fatwas.

Good article. Indeed domestic violence is widely prevalent around the globe and in reality, more widespread in non-Muslim circles.

The reason for domestic violence to be found in certain Muslim households too has some different reasons which haven't been highlighted by the author here. Thus, let us not be silence about that either.

Indeed, very true that the Noble Quran has flatly prohibited any such dominating attitude by men toward their spouses.

But the man-written & highly controversial Hadith is quite a different story. We all know that 99% of the Ahadith we see today are NOT the sayings of our beloved Prophet (S) but simply the words of later time commoners (including the imams and so-called ulemas) to promote their selfish values - political, social, moral and legal. Also, the entire Hadith literature is in a mess .. big time! That's because new forgeries keep creeping in and infiltrating into the various Hadith collections every generation. Some of these Ahadith sound decent and speak against male dominance & domestic violence. But not all. Many Ahadith are absolutely obnoxious, misogynistic and highly sexist. They not only promote the idea of a male dominating household but also give crazy ideas into the minds of misogynists to exacerbate such behavior. As if the offensive Ahadith that rules the minds of many Muslims aren't enough as a huge drawback, these are backed up by offensive fatwas too by many of our firebrand imams.

Therefore, the author must know, no matter how objectionable this might sound to the present mainstream Muslims, they must abandon these false annexations that today present the face of Islam to the world and provide excuses to the male jerks of the Muslim community to carry out their domestic abuse unhindered.

If we want to eradicate domestic violence and so many other un-Islamic practices that have evolved gradually, we MUST trash all man-written nonsense and return to the Divine Final Message of Allah Almighty. The Noble Quran is a Standalone and Independent Book. Unfortunately, the bad & false ahadith and those many terrible fatwas by manipulative & misogynistic imams are the chief causes of promoting domestic violence and intolerance in Muslim households.

To the author and all Muslims: Please do NOT be silence on this issue if you really want to help your community. How can the help come if you don't speak about uprooting the source of that scourge? Return to the Noble Quran alone, and trash all man-written writings and fatwas.

Salaam ALYKUM

Very articulated article, however in the UK, this system is abused by females. For example she use against her husband if he done something that doesn't pleases her i.e. in many occasion getting married to another wive or suspicion. I dont totally disagree with this article, this article highlights some of the issues that we need to solve and overcome by openly speaking about it. However a balance can be struck, by not abusing the right that you have and ruin the family life....perhaps we should speak also about the roles of the parents, relativeIs and community leader in dealing with this issue..

Jazakallah khayra and may Allah increase you Hasanaat..

W/salaam

Salaamu alaikum. This is an interesting article and inshaAllah one that enlightens Muslims and non-Muslims alike. Although, I feel it could be more beneficial to include the verses in the Quran and hadith which explicitly state that domestic violence is unacceptable in Islam.

Likewise, some maybe unaware of the chapter and verse (Surah Nisaa, v. 34) in the Qur'an so it would have been good to include it.

I'd like to know who you'd advise domestic violence be 'reported' to (other than NDV). I do not believe such issues in the Muslim community should be reported to non-Muslim authorities (especially in the first instance) if necessity doesn't warrant this. This is because its our duty to hide the faults of other Muslims and its also our obligation to assist one another in matters of dispute.

Such issues should be resolved amongst families who should also seek help from authorities such as the Shariah Council, their Imam or qualified Muslim Councillor's.

Having said this, i do not say that if one fears for their life or the lives of others they should not call an ambulance or the police. Rather if the issue of domestic abuse is not life threatening, then we should seek to eradicate these matters amongst ourselves.

In my view, most cases of domestic violence can be solved by a daily dose of Quran, regular counselling or ruqyah (if needed) and certainly be organisations such as the NDV who will help to educate Muslims on the correct Islam behaviour towards ones spouse inshaAllah.

BarakAllahu feeki for raising awareness on the topic and Nour-domestic violence.

Asalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu