Happiness is one of the most sought-after goals. During the pandemic, it trended as the most searched word on Google. However, it was also during the pandemic that we saw the most selfish behaviour on display, people hoarding essential supplies and prioritising their own needs over others — a predictable outcome of years of societal conditioning that happiness is about individualism, self-centredness, and “doing you”.
The backdrop to this shift is a significant decline in communal engagement in the West. According to Harvard Professor Robert Putnam, author of Bowling Alone, traditional institutions that once offered meaning, purpose, and community — such as churches, work unions, and fraternal organisations — are losing membership. In their place, social media and video games have surged in popularity, solitary pursuits leading to increased isolation, and a focus on self rather than community.
In fact, the names of the very tools and platforms that dominate our lives, starting with an explicit “I” or an implicit self-reference epitomises this: Facebook, iPhone, iMac, Myspace, YouTube, and so on. Our era is one of “self-love”, “self-optimisation”, “self-actualisation”, “celebrating your specialness”, often at the cost of community and collective well-being. On this point, in 2023 an American Airlines pilot went viral for reminding passengers not to be “selfish and rude”. [1]
The concern of this trend is immense as it clashes with everything we’ve ever known about the nature of happiness. Research, life experiences, ancient wisdom, and most importantly the Qur’ān’s guidance suggest that true happiness stems from finding meaning beyond oneself. Let us explore this.
The power of service
Allah says,
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِذَا قِيلَ لَكُمْ تَفَسَّحُوا فِي الْمَجَالِسِ فَافْسَحُوا يَفْسَحِ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ
O you who believe! When you are told to make space in the assemblies, then make space, Allah will make space for you…“ [2]
Notice how the verse does not specify what it is that space will be made in. This is left open-ended — “Allah will make space for you” — in order to encompass space in every matter than man can possibly need:
- space within a constricted heart
- space within limited finances
- space within deteriorating mental, physical, or spiritual health
- space within your grave
- space on the Day of Judgment
- space in Paradise.
This was essentially the message shared by our mother Khadījah to the Prophet ﷺ following his first ever experience with revelation. He rushed back to his home gripped by horror, having feared for his life, but she comforted him by saying:
كَلَّا وَاللَّهِ مَا يُخْزِيكَ اللَّهُ أَبَدًا إِنَّكَ لَتَصِلُ الرَّحِمَ وَتَحْمِلُ الكَلَّ وَتَكْسِبُ المَعْدُومَ وَتَقْرِي الضَّيْف وَتُعِينُ عَلَى نَوَائِبِ الحَقِّ
Never! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you! For you maintain good relations with your family, bear others’ burdens, help the destitute, serve your guests generously, and assist those afflicted by calamity.” [3]
Each and every reason she listed to justify her belief as per why Allah will help and honour him was directly related to his service of people.
How apt are the words of Ibn ‘Abbās who said:
صاحب المعروف لا يقع فإن وقع وجد متكئاً
The one who does good to others will not fall. But should he slip, he will always find something to lean on.” [4]
There is a Chinese saying that goes…
If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.”
For centuries, the greatest thinkers from across different places and times have suggested the same thing: part of happiness is found in helping others.
In a paper published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology, three researchers found that prosocial behaviour, i.e. categories of behaviours that “attend to the benefit or welfare of another person(s)”, is related to happiness, wellbeing, psychological flourishing, and satisfaction with life. [5]
In another paper published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, researchers Liudmila Titova and Kennon Sheldon said that whilst:
Americans are guaranteed the right to ‘pursue happiness’ for themselves … might they be better off if they pursued happiness for others? We compared the two strategies, showing that, ironically, the second pursuit brings more personal happiness than the first.” [6]
In one study they conducted, participants were approached on the street after parking their cars. They were given a few quarters by a research assistant and were asked to either feed their own parking meters or the meters of an adjacent car. The researchers then asked participants how happy they felt. Interestingly, people who fed others’ meters showed a greater boost in happiness than those who fed their own meters, despite not knowing who they were helping. [6]
The Divine design
This reaction is by design, Allah has created us to experience misery in sin and self-centredness, and to find joy in worshipping Him and spreading goodness to others. We inherently crave purpose and meaning, which are essential to al-Hayāt al-Tayyiba (the good life) that Allah describes in the Qur’ān, being part of something greater than just our savings, investments, and personal futures. [7]
The opposite is just as true; being self-centred is costly, and is at the root of many psychiatric, social, and physical illnesses, including addiction, depression, personality disorders, anxiety disorders, damaged relationships, health problems, and shorter lifespans. That is entirely predictable, as accepting the modern culture of self-absorption runs counter to our DNA that yearns for higher meaning and to be part of a whole. [8]
If I were to take a group photo and present it to those captured in it, each person would instinctively scan for their own image first. This automatic response is deeper than just vanity. It is illustrative of our desire to identify our place within the broader narrative of life.
- “Do I fit in?”
- “Do I stand out?”
- “How do I appear to be interacting with others around me?”
- “What’s my contribution to that photo?”
We are driven by a need to distinguish ourselves, to contribute in ways that are meaningful. We constantly seek evidence of our roles, relevance, and marks we leave on others. This is a universal human need and it is by design.
I am totally convinced of the restorative and renewing power that Allah has imbued to service, so much so that I have woven it into my counselling sessions with remarkable results. Whilst much of traditional therapy often emphasises inward forms of intervention, things that you do for yourself — medication, meditation, psychotherapy, time-off, or counselling (all of which have their place) — service as therapy introduces an outward form of healing, things that you do for others. Though overlooked, it is rooted in Allah’s promise, “make space, Allah will make space for you”.
I often suggest they volunteer, join a charity project, perhaps spending ten days assisting overseas, or become involved in a movement. Whether the issue is marital strife, anxiety, depression, or even OCD, I’ve found that encouraging people to be led by a project that adds value to others is miraculously transformative. Don’t wait to be ready to do this because you will never get anything done unless you do it before you are ready. Similarly, don’t wait to feel better before taking action, because doing it is part of what will make you feel better.
Evidence in action
Dr. Abdul-Rahman al-Sumait, a Kuwaiti doctor who devoted his life to humanitarian work in Africa, shared a touching story about his experiences there with his wife. Over three decades, their work eclipsed the accomplishments of nations. With Allah’s aid, he distributed over seven million copies of the Qur’ān, built more than 5,500 mosques, and sponsored 50,000 orphans, many of whom grew up to be professionals such as lawyers and doctors. They also established 840 educational institutions, from nurseries to universities, serving half a million students, dug 12,000 wells, and founded 90 hospitals and pharmacies. Through their efforts, more than ten million people embraced Islam.
He recounted a personal moment in Madagascar, as he and his wife spent a night in a humble, weathered wooden house. Sitting in the courtyard, he turned to his weary other half. Her exhaustion was palpable, her body worn. Concerned, he gently expressed his fears, wondering if she had reached her limit.
With a serene smile, she responded,
Abu Suhaib, do you know what I’m thinking? If we were to enter Paradise, would we feel as joyful as we do today?”
Indeed, “make space, Allah will make space for you”.
A few years ago, Irish comedian Tadhg Hickey opened up about his prolonged struggles with alcoholism and depression. He also shared the numerous professional challenges he’s faced since beginning his advocacy for Palestine. Tadhg revealed that this journey, while emotionally taxing due to the brutal scenes he has witnessed, has paradoxically led to a significant improvement in his mental health. He attributed this change to discovering a higher sense of purpose and becoming part of something greater than himself.
He explained that he used to suffer from what he calls “me-ism” — an obsessive preoccupation with the self. However, his interactions with Palestinians transformed his outlook. When asked about their individual aspirations, they invariably responded with collective expressions: their (plural) hopes for Palestine. Tadhg says that this approach has finally brought him relief from his life-long internal struggles. [9]
Indeed, “make space, Allah will make space for you”.
At home, whenever our children receive money, we encourage them to divide it into three separate jars: 50 per cent for spending, 30 per cent for saving, and 20 per cent for charity. This system allows them to enjoy their money while also learning the importance of planning and delayed gratification. Interestingly, it’s the charity jar that captures their attention the most.
It all started when we once sent their charitable contributions, and requested a video from the children who benefited from their gifts. The reaction was unforgettable, their eyes sparkled with achievement. They’d just experienced the profound joy of impacting others’ lives, discovering a sense of purpose and meaning. They were deeply moved. Although they can spend most of their money, they seldom talk about it; instead, they are captivated by the 20 per cent designated for charity. A few years ago, my eldest even proposed increasing the charity portion to 30 per cent and reducing the spending to 40 per cent.
Helping others is a path to Allah’s help
Pause to consider the immense blessings before us. Even without any religious perspective, the immediate benefits are substantial: improved mental and physical health, stronger relationships, energising sense of purpose, and better overall well-being. These are hugely significant returns in this earthly world of ours.
Consider, then, what happens when all this is centred on Allah and the search for Jannah: the value of what we stand to gain deepens immeasurably.
The Prophet ﷺ said,
أحَبُّ الناسِ إلى اللهِ أنْفعُهُمْ ، وأَحَبُّ الأعمالِ إلى اللهِ عزَّ وجلَّ سُرُورٌ تُدخِلُهُ على مُسلِمٍ ، أو تَكشِفُ عنهُ كُربةً ، أو تَقضِيَ عنهُ دَيْنًا ، أو تَطرُدَ عنهُ جُوعًا ، ولَأَنْ أمْشِيَ مع أخِي المسلمِ في حاجةٍ أحَبُّ إليَّ من أنْ أعتكِفَ في المسجدِ شهْرًا ، ومَنْ كفَّ غضَبَهُ ، سَتَرَ اللهُ عوْرَتَهُ ، ومَنْ كظَمَ غيْظًا ، ولوْ شاءَ أنْ يُمضِيَهُ أمْضاهُ ، مَلأَ اللهُ قلْبَهُ رضِىَ يومَ القيامةِ ، ومَنْ مَشَى مع أخيهِ المسلمِ في حاجَتِه حتى يُثْبِتَها لهُ ، أثْبتَ اللهُ تعالَى قدَمه يومَ تَزِلُّ الأقْدامُ ، وإنَّ سُوءَ الخُلُقِ لَيُفسِدُ العملَ ، كَما يُفسِدُ الخَلُّ العَسَلَ
The most beloved people to Allah are those who are most beneficial to others, and the most beloved deeds to Allah the Almighty are to bring happiness to a Muslim, relieve him of distress, pay off his debt, or drive away his hunger. Walking with a Muslim brother to fulfil his need is more beloved to me than spending a month in the mosque in seclusion.
Whoever controls his anger, Allah will cover his faults, and whoever suppresses his rage, even though he could act on it if he wished, Allah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection. Whoever walks with his Muslim brother to fulfil his need until it is accomplished, Allah will make his footing firm on the Day when feet will slip. Indeed, bad character spoils deeds just as vinegar spoils honey.” [10]
The Prophet ﷺ also said,
مَنْ نَفَّسَ عَنْ مُؤْمِنٍ كُرْبَةً مِنْ كُرَبِ الدُّنْيَا نَفَّسَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ كُرْبَةً مِنْ كُرَبِ يَوْمِ الْقِيَامَةِ وَمَنْ يَسَّرَ عَلَى مُعْسِرٍ يَسَّرَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ وَمَنْ سَتَرَ مُسْلِما سَتَرَهُ اللهُ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ وَاَللَّهُ فِي عَوْنِ الْعَبْدِ مَا كَانَ الْعَبْدُ فِي عَوْنِ أَخِيهِ
Whoever alleviates for a believer a burden from life’s burdens, Allah will alleviate from him one of the burdens of the Day of Judgment. Whoever eases financial difficulty of someone, Allah will ease his life in this world and the Hereafter. Whoever covers the fault of a Muslim, Allah will cover his faults in this life and the Hereafter. Allah will be at the assistance of His servant so long as such a person is at the assistance of his brother.” [11]
Is there a matter in your life that you feel requires Allah’s intervention? The proposition is simple: qualify yourself for this intervention by serving, ideally in an organised and planned fashion, but also by addressing the day-to-day needs of those around you. Allah’s promise is that your hands shall be filled, your tree shall be leaved, and you will not be let down.
Source: Islam21c
Notes
[2] al-Qur’ān, 58:11
[3] Sahīh al-Bukhārī, 4,953: https://sunnah.com/bukhari:4953
[4] ‘Uyūn al-Akhbār
[5] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11410197/
[6] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/17439760.2021.1897867
[7] al-Qur’ān 16:97
[8] https://www.drmichaelmcgee.com/post/self-centeredness
[9] https://youtu.be/xHQuvok3bRY
[10] al-Tabarāni
[11] al-Tirmidhi, 1,930; https://sunnah.com/tirmidhi:1930
