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One of the most profound kinds of grief we can possibly feel is the crushing weight of losing a child, a piece of your heart forever missing. This unimaginable sorrow can shake the very core of our being, leaving us questioning everything we believe in.
Yet, even in the depths of such despair, there are embers of strength waiting to be rekindled. Faith, like a flickering flame, can offer solace and guide us towards eventual peace.
Children are blessings and trials all at once
This loss is a test for the slave, as Allah (subḥānahu wa ta’āla) says,
“Every soul will taste death. And We test you with evil and with good as trials; and to Us you will be returned.” [1]
During and after enduring difficulties, it goes without saying that they do not go without reward. Indeed, the Prophet ﷺ gave glad tidings to the patient one during such a time of struggle.
In a narration found in al-Adāb al-Mufrad, Jābir ibn Abdullah (radiy Allahu ‘anhu) said,
“I heard the Messenger of Allah — may Allah bless him and grant him peace — say, ‘If anyone has three of his children die young and resigns them to Allah, he will enter the Garden.’
“We asked, ‘Messenger of Allah, what about two?’ ‘And two’, he said. Mahmūd ibn Labīd said to Jābir, ‘By Allah, I think that if you had asked, ‘And one?’ he would have given a similar answer.’ He said, ‘By Allah, I think so too.'” [2]
We find the best example in the Prophet ﷺ
Our beloved Messenger ﷺ had lost all his children during his lifetime, except for Fātima (radiy Allahu ‘anha). And he ﷺ lost all of his sons during childhood.
Anas (radiy Allahu ‘anhu) narrates the exemplary behaviour of the Messenger ﷺ during this time of anguish:
“We went in with God’s Messenger to visit Abu Sayf, the smith who was foster-father of Ibrāhīm (the Prophet’s son), and God’s Messenger took Ibrāhīm, kissed him, and smelt him.
“We went in to visit him later, when Ibrāhīm was giving up his soul, and tears began to fall from God’s Messenger’s eyes, whereupon ‘Abd ar-Rahman ibn ‘Awf said to him, ‘You, too, Messenger of God?”
“He replied, ‘Ibn ‘Awf, it is compassion’, then shed more tears and said, ‘The eye weeps and the heart grieves, but we say only what our Lord is pleased with, and we are grieved over being separated from you, Ibrāhīm.” [3]
Learning from how he ﷺ dealt with his child’s loss
There are a couple of key points that stand out.
One of them is the complete trust that the Messenger ﷺ held in Allah’s Infinite Wisdom.
The exemplification of tawakkul — a complete trust and reliance upon Allah (subḥānahu wa ta’āla), and the reminder that even when our hearts break, His wisdom and mercy shall always prevail. Finding solace in His plan, even when it’s unthinkable, can be a source of immense strength.
Another point is the level of patience exhibited by the beloved Messenger ﷺ.
Acting as a soothing balm for the grieving heart, he ﷺ and the prophets before him all endured tough times with patience.
And while expressing sorrow is a natural part of the grieving process, accompanying this with holding onto hope in Allah’s mercy is comforting and very important.
As the Messenger ﷺ said,
“The eye weeps and the heart grieves, but we do not say anything that angers the Lord.” [4]
The promise of the Hereafter
These tests and difficulties, if endured with the Prophetic example, offer the greatest of rewards.
And the Prophet ﷺ gave glad tidings to those that follow such behaviour, as narrated by Abu Mūsa al-Ash’ari (radiy Allahu ‘anhu):
“When a man’s child dies, Allah, the Exalted, asks His angels, ‘Have you taken out the life of the child of My slave?’ and they reply in the affirmative.
“He (subḥānahu wa ta’āla) then asks, ‘Have you taken the fruit of his heart?’ and they reply in the affirmative.
“Thereupon, He asks, ‘What did my slave say?’ They say: ‘He praised You and said: Innā lillāhi wa innā ilayhī rāji’ūn. (Indeed, to Allah we belong, and to Him we are returning).’
“Allah says: ‘Build a house for my slave in Jannah and name it Bayt al-Hamd (the House of Praise).”‘ [5]
Action points
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A powerful tool for healing and connection, seek solace in prayer. It will provide relief while reminding you of the bond you shared with your child.
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Lean on your family, friends, and fellow Muslims for support. There is no shame in sharing your grief and seeking their support!
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Remember the Hereafter, because those that have returned to our Lord are in the best care possible, sheltered by the Mercy of Allah.
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Source: Islam21c
Notes
[1] al-Qur’ān, 21:35
[2] al-Adāb al-Mufrad, 146; https://sunnah.com/adab:146
[3] Mishkāt al-Masābīh 1,722; https://sunnah.com/mishkat:1722
[4] Sunan Ibn Mājah, 1,589; https://sunnah.com/ibnmajah:1589
[5] Riyād al-Sālihīn, 922; https://sunnah.com/riyadussalihin:922
